Prematurely Mature
by Veloci R. Apter
Summary: Luffy and Nami have gotten together and had kids. And get it on every other day. When a missunderstanding occurs, what will happen to the only son and least crazy of the kids?


**2nd story up! Another shorty by the always hungry and willing to scavenge _VELOCI RAPTOR!!_ It's not a corny joke, Veloci Raptor is my nickname, 'cuz I eat a lot! Speaking of nourishment, reviews sustain me! I'm an 11 year-old boy-man! I need the self esteem! Don't lie though, or I'll end up living with my mom.**

**Note: I use "+" instead of the star/twinkle lookin' thing because it won't appear here! Also, I don't use the following; -sama, -kun, -chan, Gomu, nunna' that. If they only wanted Japanese people who _do_ use anything like those to watch or make fanfics of it, would they have made an English version? Would this site have the English language option for the One Piece category? Would _anything_ Japanese have an English version? NO!!**

He will never forget that awful day (Yeah, yeah, cliché, I know). It scarred him for life, but looking back, it was actually kinda funny. Went a little - well a lot - exactly like this:

Luffy and Nami were a happy couple. They'd gotten married and had a son and daughter and daughter again. In order, (And spirit of the show. Have you heard the names? These will fit in.) Parron, Iyaine, and Liu. Luffy had even went from an IQ of 3 to an IQ of 117. All for them. Nami gave up her thieving ways and settled down. All for them. The kids, well, were as helpful as they could be, and adorable to boot. All for, actually, nobody. They had problems like most families do. One major problem happened when poor Parron had done something innocent while trying to be heroic, true his heritage.

Now, as a married couple, not to mention ex-pirates, they had their, um, _needs_, and Luffy clearly stated "Uh, Nami...Baggy shorts are tight...". Somewhere, a Luffy fangirl reading this story is picturing that. "Oh...Well, if you want me, then take me." Nami said seductively.He picked her up bridal style and carried her off to _the room_. Now the fangirl is like "Yeah hot stuff, take _me."_

Parron, who was 4, had to take a super dukie, as they do, so he was up past his bedtime. "Well, I feel 5 pounds lighter, which is nice. But the imprints of the toilet in my butt...Was it worth it?" he said to himself as he walked to his room. Here's the jump-start to the the story. _Somebody_+cough Nami+had to go and scream. In pleasure, not pain, mind you, but this caused Parron's "Protect Mom At All Cost" instincts to kick in. He was a pretty bright for a toddler, but he was 4. The whole "where do babies come from?" question never popped up in his head, and Luffy and Nami had no intention of answering unless he asked them directly. It's parent thing, I wouldn't understand, but oh well.

He loves his Mama! So yeah, he did what any son-of-the-straw-hat-pirate would do. He got his bat (Not hollow plastic with a hole to let air escape, I mean a smaller wooden bat painted yellow with a red handle, and 2 parallel red stripes going from the handle to the end of the bat), and a set of brass knuckles that he got at a gangster (Gangst "er" not gangst "a" people) convention (...? Yeah, it was destroyed by real gangstas.), which would go well with his Gum Gum powers, which, thanks to Nami, didn't make it impossible to swim. It shortened his range a little though. He ran as quiet as he could to his parents' room. "Here it goes...Dad will be so proud, and Mom will be safe, and I'll tell Liu and Iyaine, and Mom n' Dad will kiss like their lips taste like Tootsie Pops (Which are damn good), and I'll be a hero..." whispered to himself, talking-let's say _motivated _himself into actually going in there, thinking about all the good things that will come if he just wins the-almost unfortunately-non-existent fight.

"GUM GUM ROCKET!!" Parron broke through the door, taking the pain of splinters like a man-well, a man made of rock. He flipped in the air and landed on his feet, bat ready to crack somethin'. "MOM!!! I'm coming to save yuhaah..." he paused in mid-sentence due to the, _compromising_ position his parents were in. Nami, being as witty as she was, figured out what happened, what he thought, and quickly remembered that the act that caused this involved, ehm, putting "keys" in "keyholes" , and imediently said "It's not him. Daddy's not hurting me." Parron gulped. It was a false alarm. But oh_ damn_. It was like a frat boy prank turned Iraq war. His bat slipped from his fingers with a _clunk_, his brass knuckles doing the same with a _clang_. Then, he too fell face down on the floor like a board with a _bohmf_ . "Sonuvabitch..." Luffy said holding his forehead. "We'll have to tell him, ya' know." Nami said. "Yeah, I know. At this age. Why God?" Luffy groaned. He perked up. In 2 ways. "He's passed out cold. We could stretch him out over the doorway facing out and..." he suggested. "How could yeh..." Nami almost finished, but being the sexual fiends they are, she had to mull it over. "Fine. Quickie though." she decided. "OK!" Luffy said with 2 thumbs up.

Parron got the sex speech before he got out of pull-ups. He understood. He took it very well. But, the problem was, seeing your parents having sex freaks the living shite out of you. He went to therapy 7 times, but is sane to this day. But people never, _ever_, play "Parron's mom has it goin' on", because he goes "DON'T YOU DARE!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!! YOU WON'T HURT HER!!!!!!!" and flesh starts to fly.

He only remembered what _he _witnessed, not what I've told you, unlike bad movies, but it was plenty enough. He now has a crazy story to tell, and he has a piece of advice: Parents do things, and not all of them can be interrupted. Also, too much bread before bedtime means constipation, which leads to toilet prints on your ass.


End file.
